I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
