Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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