Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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