my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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