nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
