somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
