A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
