I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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