You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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