How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
