is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
