I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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