I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
