3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
