You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
