He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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