This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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