So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
