the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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