wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
