This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
