Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
