I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
