i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
