Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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