We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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