Define "chronic" masturbator.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
