if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
