His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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