wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
tell me about the eggs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
