The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
