great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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