we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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