i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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