hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm both gender and math confused
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
