He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
