i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
