There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
