oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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