he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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