I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
