As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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