My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
