Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
