Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
