Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
