i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
