Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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