Sry I called you an 8
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
