Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
