I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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