bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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