Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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