Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
