I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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