We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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