Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
