Nicole vs. Life
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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