Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
