wanna go halves on a baby?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize