Can i not drive my cunt home
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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