Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
