I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
