I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse