I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
