That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
