I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
