Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize