Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
