No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
