More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
someone owes me an orgasm
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You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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