Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
