I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
bring money and cleavage
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
