Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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