Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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